LICE SEASON
(better known as louse)
Miss Mama: "Oooh, you should see all them pickney heads from school, full up a louse!
My poor little Greta, her little dreads pack tight with louse and she didn't want to cut them dreads off"
Me: "that's a big problem, what did you do"
Miss Mama: "Well I bathe all her dreads with kerosene and tied her head up with a cloth, she was jumping around, her scalp was itching, they were running down her forehead & cheeks.
Big breggin' tubba ones"
Me: "Poor little girl"
Miss Mama: "Well lucky for her the Lord has chosen me to LOVE LOUSE!
I could sit there all day just picking and crushing them between my nails, I just love the sound when they go POP!
You ever notice how the health inspectors quick to send home the child from school but not the teachers? we're never gonna rid of it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------WHICH DOCTOR?
Miss Mama: "You sure got a lot of books up on that shelf"
Me: "mostly left behind by the guests"
Miss Mama: "Well in my house I had a stack of those books
"WHERE THERE IS NO DOCTOR
which we were given by some Evangelical people who canoed down the river to our village back in my childhood"
Me: "really, you ever had to refer to it at any time?"
Miss Mama: "Yes, back in the remote village of Bomba where I use to live. One day, two of my uncles had gone out to hunt armadillo armed with machetes. One was poking the hole in the ground and the other was to lay wait the animal and kill it as it tries to escape.
Instead of an armadillo coming out, a Gibnut shot out of the hole!!
My uncle who lay waiting for an armadillo swung his machete at the Gibnut and ended up chopping his brother in the calf instead. He came back out of the bushes bleeding badly & any doctor, nurse or hospital was a long dory ride away"
Me: "So you were the nurse and put what you read to good use?"
Miss Mama: "Oh Yes!
I was the only one who could read so they trusted me.
I got a piece of thick fishing line and cut off the circulation of blood just below the knee.
I grabbed a big needle for sewing sails and my uncles thin fishing line and gave him a shot of rum and threw some rum on the wound for antiseptic and told him to hold his tongue while I stitched him up.
It was at that very moment as I sat under the little thatch hut on the wooden stool by the riverbank with his leg propped up, that I remembered when I was a child he use to spank me with a thin bamboo whip.
Every time I made a stitch and he screamed, I tied the knot harder.
Witch Doctor?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------TIP ON HOW TO GET OUT OF A STRIP SEARCH AT THE NORTHERN BELIZE BORDER
Miss Mama: "Did you know that if you are Black & have dreads and try to cross the Northern Belize border you have a 99% chance of getting strip searched in my opinion?"
Me: "I never thought of it"
Miss Mama: "Biggie & I wanted to cross through immigration a couple months ago to do a little shopping in Chetumal. As we were driving up Biggie says:"
BIGGIE: " Mama tie those dreads up girl, those Northern border federales don't like black people especially with dreads. You're gonna get us strip searched"
Me: "That's crazy talk, this is Belize"
Miss Mama: "Well he was right. As soon as we pulled up they asked us to exit the vehicle and I was taken into a room with a female officer and strip searched for drugs. They thought I was a mule. She played with my dreads and patted my bra and my breasts and told me to take my underwear off and to bend over.
She had the audacity to fondle my exit. I was humiliated.
As soon as she started reaching for the entrance, I started laughing & groaning out loud, wiggling my hips and carrying on pretending that she was turning me on, she was so shocked, she stopped immediately...hahahahahaha Braked her clean in her tracks, spooked the hell out of her, I've never been ushered out of an office faster.
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