OVERHEARD

Interviewer:
"Sir, I've heard you just got back from Belize, some people refer to that place  as "the asshole of the world!"

British MP:
"Well, I've been there and I can tell you it's not the asshole of the world, it's half-way up the bloody colon!!"
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Officer:  "How high are you?"
He: "Officer, it's not how high are you but -
 Hi! How are You!"

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Man at Bar drinking....

Me: "Are you here on vacation"
He: "No, just travelling aimlessly for a while"
Me: "How lucky"
He: "I just got divorced after 23 years"
Me: "What do you miss most about married life?"
He: "Not a DAMN thing!"
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HE:  I was at a funeral the other day standing next to the widow as they were burying her husband in the ground.  You know, the one that had the heart attack driving and ended up in the ditch.

ME: Rough

HE:  The casket was not even fully covered in sand yet when this man approached the widow and asked her if she would give him a deal on her dead husband's car!

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