So there we sat waiting for our ferry to depart, at the San Pedro Water Taxi Express terminal in Belize City. The heat of the day can best be described as Satan's door, so we sat sipping a cool drink excited to people watch from one of the little plastic chairs at the edge of the entrance to the busy Indian shop just behind us.He from First World enters the terminal, dressed in a white Panama hat and cool looking Tommy Bahama summer 2014 resort wear. He struts in on adrenaline and excitement of being in a new Country. Guest is accompanied by an equally excited local Rasta who is dragging the visitor's little suitcases on wheels into the terminal. They sit at the table next to us and immediately we decided these two are worth watching.
The new guest in our Jewel seems excited to be on vacation and everybody knows a happy camper gives the best tips, so until he boarded that ferry, Rasta planned to keep him in his happy mood and was successful at that.
He was from Brooklyn, he said .
"New York! You know where that's at?" he asked Rasta.
Rasta shook his head affirmatively. We sat there wondering aloud to ourselves that Rasta probably got deported from Brooklyn after listening to his 'ameriskin twang'.
Rasta: "drink another Rum and Coconut Water man, good for you"
Guest: "bring it on man, I can drink you under the table"
After watching them engage in the BATTLE OF THE BULL(shit) ........and in the half hour that had passed, Rasta had invited Guest (at guest expense of course) to try the Belikin Stout, the Belikin Beer, the Rum and Coconut Water . It is now time to board the vessel to Caye Caulker and San Pedro. First stop, Caye Caulker, a 45 minute ride away.
After all that consummation, Guest did not remember to use the restroom at the terminal before boarding and he boarded all carefree, waving and laughing with Rasta as they said their goodbyes. Guest also did not inquire if there was a bathroom on board, and on this particular vessel, there was none.
On board, he sat on the lower level of this double deck taxi nearest to the front deck window. Shortly after take off, the well dressed guest began to writhe in pain. He squirmed and adjusted himself constantly, it wasn't long before everyone on the lower deck realized he was uncomfortable, but most assumed he was just drunk.
The boat had not even reached Port-O-Stuck, the mid-way point to Caye Caulker, when Guest couldn't hold it together any longer. Guest suddenly decided to crawl through the square open front deck window on to the top deck - no-passenger zone area, arms flailing trying to get the Captain above attention.
The Water Taxi slowed to a halt as the Captain was having a WTF moment!
From the top deck, he explained to the Captain that he had to urgently use the bathroom and tried to explain how much Coconut water he had ingested and why the situation could get EVEN more embarrassing for him.
The annoyed Captain obliged and sent him to the far back of the boat near the engines to relieve himself while all the other impatient passengers on board pretty much just stared at him to hurry up. Guest took a poop in the most uncomfortable of situations which shall remain memorable to him even in the afterlife.
After a few minutes of waiting, and before Guest was even finished with his emergency, the Captain revved the engine and started to move forward at a very slow pace. After he finally wiggled to pull his shorts on as best on the down-low, he stood up and started to wave his hands trying to get the Captain's attention, pointing to the wake from the engines. The Captain saw him, but time was up as they were on a schedule, so he ignored the Guest. All passengers on board watched as his flip flops floated away with the little presents he had just graced our beautiful waters with, happy that the Captain did not decide to turn around just to fetch such.
Barefeet and slightly wet, Guest sheepishly sits in the back corner of the boat, and he laughed and laughed and laughed hysterically to himself until we arrived on Caye Caulker. Way to go to make a first impression! Not.
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